Peace and strength within the family.

by Rita
(USA-Oklahoma)

Eight years ago, I moved back home to be near family, and to spend time with my Mother. I wanted to get to know her. I have always felt like I never belonged. I chose a friend in alcohol. My Aunt, my Mother's sister, always said, " I drinked to fit into my family." II have been sober now for 15 years. To make a long story short. The only time My family ever needed me was for financial help. No one ever called to ask me how I was doing. One of the wishes my Mom wanted was to own her own home, nothing fancy, just something to call hers.
I was able to grant that wish, somewhat, A year ago my Mother was diagnosed with Breast cancer,I lost my Job, because I was taking off too much to take her to doctors appointments. God has been merciful, she came through with his help. Now she is aging,my brother had a massive stroke, moved closer to home. We have been financially supporting him. my older sister has come back to take care of my mother,(she has taken over our home, I cowardly retreat to my room,I try to avoid conflict for my Mom's sake, I feel like an hostage in my own home.) because I have not been doing a good job. Although her doctors says I have been doing a great job. I am fighting to keep our home , it is in forecloser. Of course none of my siblings can help. Because we have been helping them. I am now fighting with them. I am the second to the oldest, and I feel Like i did years ago as a little girl, never belonging, I really need prayer for strength. My faith is weakening, I pick up the bible, and I still feel so alone. I want to turn tail and run, like I have done so often in the past. I do not want to drink, this is not a fear for me. I asked God to remove the desire and passion from my heart and mind years ago. In the past I could always pray my way out of personal defeats. The devil is so strong in my life now, when I use God's words to knock him down, he creeps up again behind me. I need prayer to strengthen my faith,I do not want to be defeated again. Please pray for peace within my family. This is my family, I know in my heart and soul I belong in it, I just do not fit. I do not want to dissappoint my mother, by losing her home. I just feel like I do not have any more fight left in me. Please pray all those who are struggling in this world. There is so much carnage, and distruction, and disfunction in this world. I am not alone in my pain, I just feel alone.
May God Continue to richly bless and keep you all.
Rita