Between a rock and a hard place

by KAREN
(BALTIMORE)

I am a 55 yr old Christian and a active Deacon in my Church.
I have a hard time believing the things of God is for everyone except me, because of so many disappointments.
I love God and knows He Love me. Every time I try to get ahead Satan draws me Back and I go into a pit. I love and want God so bad but don't feel Him like I should. my money needs overwhelms me and my family. I want to trust God like never before and never doubt and to realize in my heart that my family and money problem will only work out for my good. I am afraid when He blesses me for I know I don't deserve it and is taken away from someone who deserve it better than me. There are people in this world that are going through more than me and who am i to ask for anything? I want to have the Joy of His salvation in every situation.
I'm not asking for roses everyday just a different way of smelling them that even when thorns and the flower has died i want to still smell the rose as if new.
To be abast in every situation leaning and trusting in Jesus know He will work out everything for my good.
MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALL....GOD BLESS..